


My demons from the past and yours

by EonaSPN



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Allen was missing for years, Alma is still dead, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But they are helping each other, Cutting, Dark subjects, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Injury, Living Together, M/M, Mpreg, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, a lot of it, allen's POV, they are both messed up, warnings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 21:14:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21885439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EonaSPN/pseuds/EonaSPN
Summary: Allen is 17, living on the streets and after a rape, left pregnant. When a gambling night goes wrong, he gets injured. But to his luck an old friend finds him collapsed and takes him in. However Kanda has his own problems and traumas as the younger boy discovers. Can the two help each other or is it too late?
Relationships: Kanda Yuu/Allen Walker, Lavi/Lenalee Lee
Kudos: 8





	1. That's me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone,
> 
> I am currently in the process of transferring my stories from fanfiction.net to AO3. Originally I didn't plan to bring my DGM ones over so soon, but since we are going on christmas and with that Allen's birthday, I decided to get started on my Yullen fanfics right now.  
> I wrote this in 2016, just wanting to mention that, so it's already a bit older.
> 
> This is a complete AU and plays in something like our modern times with some different aspects.
> 
> The story also has many WARNINGS: starting from self-harm, refernces to suicide and rape (not happening on screen, just in the past). Off-screen character death. BoyxBoy love and mpreg.  
> Please heed the tags, I wrote it down there too, but I'm repeating it here in the first chapter.
> 
> I am not quite sure whether the rating is correct with all those warnings, but since there is not smut, explicit didn't sound right. If I'm wrong about that, please tell me and I will change the rating to 'E'.
> 
> Also probably some OOC from Kanda...
> 
> Warnings done. No flames please.  
> To everyone else, I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> The whole story is in Allen's POV.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own D.Gray-man either.

London, 5:47 in the morning, in a small road close to the centre

Soft but cold mist drifts between the building walls. It is still cold these days, it’s only February after all. The various night clubs and play saloons have just closed, the last workers are still cleaning. On the other hand, cafés are opening, every shop doing daily business. Waiters cleaning tables, the delicious smell of fresh bread coming from three streets ahead. At this time of the day the streets are still silent, only very few people bustling around.

But the tranquil quiet is broken by hard retching sounds. Barely anyone turns to look where they come from, assuming it is only a drunk who didn’t make it home.

Well, hey there, that’s me. The one making these sounds. Not voluntarily of course. And before you ask, no, I’m not drunk. Not in the slightest and never been. So yeah, the people’s assumption is wrong. 

Who I am? Oh sorry, I didn’t present myself. Not that there is much to be proud of. My name’s Allen Walker, I’m 17 years old. And well, you might have guessed it, I live on the streets. Surely not a nice life. But what else can I do. My adoptive family threw me out because I refused to join their dubious businesses. Then I lived with Cross Marian, my master as I call him, for about one year and a half. Not a pleasant time either. He was permanently drunk and sleeping around, making me pay for his depts. Luckily I learned how to cheat at poker during that time. That helps me now to get money, for the huge amount of food I need due to my fast metabolism (or whatever I have). To be precise I was already abandoned by my birth parents because I have natural white hair and a black arm. To add to it, I acquired a scar on my forehead in the last years.

Oh, you want to know why I’m throwing up like crazy even though I didn’t drink any alcohol. No, I’m not sick either. At least not exactly. It’s called morning sickness. I’m pretty sure you have already heard of it. Yes, the one that occurs during pregnancy. Yes, that means I’m with child, that’s true, I am. How? do you ask now because I’m a boy. Well, I don’t really understand myself. That’s something that started to occur in the past years all over the world. There were less and less girls born. For that males started to appear, who could bear children as well. They are called mamorunin. And yeah, apparently I am one of them. Thank you very much! I am bi, okay, I give you that but that didn’t mean I wanted to bear children! And for sure not getting one before becoming 18, for goodness’ sake! From my words you might have guessed that this is an unwanted pregnancy. And I don’t even have a lover I can blame for not being careful enough. I haven’t ever had a relationship. Well, yeah, I was raped. I hate to talk about it, but that happens on the streets.

How far along I am now and what I’m planning to do? Well, I’m around three months along. The other question is more difficult. I am a pretty kind-hearted person, so I couldn’t bear to abort the child and kill an innocent live. That means I will carry it to terms, but after that I will have to give it up. I can’t look after a baby while living on the streets so it will be given to adoption. It’s the best way and I know it.

So at the moment all that damned child is doing is causing me problems. I have to throw up every morning, could basically sleep all the time and it makes me eat even more. I even passed out some times already, which is very dangerous out here. I don’t want to go to any official office either because I don’t want to be found by my adoptive family nor by the police who want to question me about said family, the Noahs.

I groan when I’m finally finished with vomiting. I wipe my mouth and walk over slowly to a small park. There I sit myself on a bench and lean back exhausted. Closing my eyes, I think back to happier times.

After I was abandoned by my biological parents at the age of two I was taken in by Mana. He became my father but also the reason I’m stuck with the Noahs now. We moved to Japan when I was five. I went to school there. Sadly Mana died when I was twelve but for some time the Noahs just let me continue my life like I wanted. Until I became fourteen. Then I fled from them. But the time from elementary on was most likely one of the best times I ever had. No one bullied me and I had good friends. Four to be exact. One girl and three boys. The girl had green-black hair and violet eyes and would scold us boys when we would fight, but she was really nice. One of the boys was an energetic red head with one green eye and an eyepatch over the other. He was a very cheerful person and tended to get on some of our nerves. The second boy I knew the least, he had brown hair and dark, warm eyes. He smiled to everyone and looked after his friend. The last one though I remember the clearest. That jerk! He always called me moyashi! I’m not a beansprout, he’s just too stupid to remember my name! But he was unfriendly to nearly everyone, even though deep down he cared a lot about all of us. He had blueish-black hair, relatively long, and piercing black eyes with a dark blue tint. Linali Li, Lavi Bookman, Alma Karma and Yuu Kanda. I miss them, I do, but I wasn’t able to contact them since I had to disappear three years ago.

Suddenly I shoot up. Just as I thought about Kanda’s dark hair I saw a long ebony ponytail swish past some bushes on the other side of the meadow in front of me. No, it can’t be, can it? He wouldn’t be here. He has Alma back home and why would he be in London exactly. Surely not because I’m here, I’m not that lucky. But I can’t stop myself from standing up and walking over. When I peek around the green I only see a person disappearing in the shadows of the trees towards the exit of the park. I hurry after him, but when I get out the figure is already disappearing into where the people in the streets now getting more. I frown, trying to find a clue. But I can’t spot anything. So I only sigh and turn, deciding that I only imagined it, because I was thinking about my old friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for today. Thanks for reading.
> 
> I know it's short, but it's only the first chapter after all (the prolog if you want).
> 
> Short explanation for that japanese word I used:  
> mamoru = support/protect  
> nin = human
> 
> Hope you liked it.  
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated. See you next time.


	2. Someone help me!

The next week passes slowly. It got really cold again, hopefully that will pass soon. I am freezing every night. But at the moment I don’t have the money to buy a warmer jacket than the worn out black coat I own. I am afraid it might affect the baby but I can’t do anything against it. Gambling for money is not going well either. So tonight I decided to go to a club I usually don’t visit because the criminality is high around there, but I can get far more money there than where I usually play and I desperately need it.

It’s half past ten in the evening and I’m standing in front of the doors. I take a deep breath, pushing them open. Immediately a hard smell of alcohol and smoke assaults my nose making it scrunch up in disgust. I try to ignore it and walk over to one of the tables. Fortunately they don’t care whether you’re a minor here. I sit down and throw a fake smile into the round. Let the game begin!

Some hours later I have successfully cheated over two thousand pounds out of the other players. By now it is close to four in the morning and I’m dead tired. Staying up that long is exhausting to begin with but it is draining me more than the others. So I take my money and head out, slightly swaying when a dizzy spell hits me at one time. I step into the cold morning air, taking a deep, refreshing breath. Unfortunately I don’t notice one of my former adversaries standing up and following me outside. I walk some streets ahead and then stop, leaning against the wall, to count the money I made tonight. Suddenly I hear a voice behind me.

“See, who we have here! The little cheater content over his win!”

I shoot around at the sneering sound. My eyes widen in fright when I see a group of men standing there, grinning evilly. One of them stands out. Expensive suit, hair gelled back, jewellery and a round face. Imagine your cliché mafia boss and you know what I mean. I remember playing against him and him getting pretty angry after losing money to me. Behind him are four bulky looking guys. I straighten myself up, one arm unconsciously trailing over my stomach.

“What do you want?”

“My money back,” the mafia boss smirks.

“No, I won it. It’s mine now,” I answer, trying to appear brave.

“You cheated!” he hisses, “You are a dirty cheater! The money doesn’t belong to you!”

“I didn’t!” I defend.

But before I can say more a new dizzy spell hits me, the cold, malnourishment and lacking sleep finally getting to me. My body is demanding what it needs. And it does it now. Shit! I curse my bad luck again. Of all moments it had to be now!

“Heh, what is this? You sick, cheater?” the other teases.

“I’m not sick,” I groan out, working on keeping on standing straight.

“Doesn’t really matter. You’re weak. So it would be better for you to just hand the money over.”

“I won’t! I rightfully won it!” I growl out, ignoring the momentary black seeping into my peripheral vision.

“It was by no way rightful!” he yells, then points to me, “Okay, you got your chance. Now we’re going to simply take it ourselves! Get him!”

He shouts and the four henchmen run towards me. I shake my head to keep the world from spinning. To say I go down without a fight would be wrong. I manage to actually knock out one of them. But there are still three left. And even though normally I’m a really good fighter as weakened as I’m now I can’t do much. Soon I’m on the floor, my head spinning and my sight blurring.

“That’s where a dirty cheater like you belongs,” the evil voice of the boss taunts again, “On the ground. In the dirt of the street.”

I cringe when the wetness of the floor under me starts to soak my clothes. My head hurts and I have a hard time keeping my eyes focused. Suddenly a kick in my back lets me give out a shout. An evil laugh resounds through the street.

“That’s what you deserve for cheating, you bag of shit!”

Countless hits and kicks rain down on my whole body. Desperately I try to shield my abdomen, but it only barely works. So it doesn’t take long until I start coughing up blood. The red liquid is also soaking my white hair from a wound on my head and I have some bleeding scratches on my hands. I groan and am fighting to at least keep consciousness. The boss, seeing that, gives a malicious grin. He grabs all the money I had and gives me a last kick right in the face, effectively breaking my nose. Then he turns away and walks to the bigger street with his henchmen.

“That should teach you, cheater!”

And with that he is gone. I groan, not being able to make any other sound, and cough again, some blood spluttering on the ground. I lay there for what seems like an eternity to me, not being able to move. My whole body hurts. But I can’t keep laying here. It will only make everything worse. So under a lot of pain I manage to lift myself onto my feet, using the next wall for support. I am panting hard and shaking from cold and pain. Carefully I make steps forward and cry out because of the pain. Nonetheless I pull myself together and force my body to continue walking. Where exactly, I don’t know. I just know that I can’t keep laying there. I’m only doing step by step, maybe also in the hope that someone notices my state and helps. But my hopes are disappointed when I reach the end of the small alley I was in. Even on the bigger street, no one seems to care, they only walk past me. It’s still not the best part of town after all. I am moving forward like in a trance.

But not after long I can feel my legs finally giving away under me, my vision blurring beyond recognition. A sharp pain shoots through me from my abdomen. Shit! Then suddenly I hear a surprised shout.

“Moyashi?!”

I try to rip my eyes back open. There was only one person who ever called me that. But it can’t be him, can it? Please let this not be some kind of hallucination. After a moment I see a blurry figure entering my field of vision. He is running towards me but I’m too exhausted to distinguish his face. I try to say something but exactly at that moment my legs decide that they had enough and collapse. I brace myself for the hit on the ground, closing my eyes.

But it never comes. Instead I feel two strong arms catching me. I sigh at feeling safe for once. I force my eyes back open, but all I can see is a blur of pale skin and dark hair. Though I can distinct the piecing gaze he’s giving me, the deep orbs showing surprising concern.

“Oi, moyashi! Moyashi, is that really you? What the fuck have you done to yourself?” 

His deep voice, always able to calm me down sounds and I feel happy for the first time in years even despite the pain. But that only works until another ripple of pain from my stomach erupts through me, but I don’t have the energy to shoot up and crouch myself together, only let out a whimper.

“God, moyashi. I’m taking you to a hospital! Immediately!”

He lifts me up, carrying me bridal style in his arms, but I grip his shoulder.

“N-No…” I weakly force out.

“What?”

“N-No hospital, p-please…”

“But you need medical treatment!”

“Pl-please…”

I plead him not to force me into a hospital. I hate doctors more than anything. I can’t directly say why though. Maybe because of the accident of Mana. He looks at me for a moment, then curses.

“Fine! I’m taking you to my home! But if you get any worse, you’re going to a hospital! And no fucking discussion, moyashi!” he growls.

I smile slightly, letting out a whimper when another wave of pain washes over me. It takes my consciousness away. In the last moment I see his features sharp for only a second, marred slightly with concern. Then everything goes black.


End file.
